Introduction:
- I would add slightly more information about the topic of the Trump camps while also adding a statement about what the essay is going to do (similar to a thesis statement).
- Maybe state that Twitter is a social media platform
- Vary sentence structure (many sentences start with the word "This")
Methods:
- 2nd sentence is a fragment
- Look over this section for small grammar mistakes
Conclusion:
- I would add in another section after Methods and before the Conclusion to discuss the data analysis and leave the conclusion for relating the data to a broader topic (Why is the analysis important?)
- I suggest embedding the graphs into the essay as well
Two non-surface suggestions in the responses was to give more context to #TrumpCamps and that I should include a data analysis part. The context in the introduction was very bland looking over it and that it left the reader confused as to what I was actually analyzing. The data analysis part should be included as I mostly fit the data analysis with the conclusion. This made the conclusion mediocre at best and confusing all together. I plan to fix these problems by going more into what exactly are detention centers and how the internet responded. The data analysis part can be fixed by putting that before the conclusion and talk about what the data actually showed. I can make the bar charts into pie graphs instead as most of the data will fit better with that format.
Checklist:
Include more information on #TrumpCamps for introduction
Include a data analysis part before the conclusion
Change the bar charts into pie graphs
List the categories and the reason for them while using examples
Comments
revising comments
Introduction:
- I would add slightly more information about the topic of the Trump camps while also adding a statement about what the essay is going to do (similar to a thesis statement).
- Maybe state that Twitter is a social media platform
- Vary sentence structure (many sentences start with the word "This")
Methods:
- 2nd sentence is a fragment
- Look over this section for small grammar mistakes
Conclusion:
- I would add in another section after Methods and before the Conclusion to discuss the data analysis and leave the conclusion for relating the data to a broader topic (Why is the analysis important?)
- I suggest embedding the graphs into the essay as well
Peer Review Comments
Introduction
Methods
Conclusion
References
Good job overall!
Response
Two non-surface suggestions in the responses was to give more context to #TrumpCamps and that I should include a data analysis part. The context in the introduction was very bland looking over it and that it left the reader confused as to what I was actually analyzing. The data analysis part should be included as I mostly fit the data analysis with the conclusion. This made the conclusion mediocre at best and confusing all together. I plan to fix these problems by going more into what exactly are detention centers and how the internet responded. The data analysis part can be fixed by putting that before the conclusion and talk about what the data actually showed. I can make the bar charts into pie graphs instead as most of the data will fit better with that format.
Checklist:
Include more information on #TrumpCamps for introduction
Include a data analysis part before the conclusion
Change the bar charts into pie graphs
List the categories and the reason for them while using examples