Free College

Posted on: Mon, 07/01/2019 - 12:04 By: Jonathan_Kim

Comments

  • Maybe switch up the sentence structure in your introduction. Sentences are very short and sometimes do not flow very well with each other at first.
  • Connect twitter a little more clearly to your subject in introduction.
  • The organization, in general, is good I would just work on making the sentences flow a bit better together. Sometimes the evidence just seems "thrown in there" and would benefit from a little more commentary. 
  • The format of your paper is good and you are not missing any key features of an APA research paper (from the extent of my knowledge about APA) which is good!! 
  • As far as what needs to be added into the paper I would recommend extending the commentary to be a little more analytical. It seems as if you are stating what is obviously implied from the tweet but not how it connects to the bigger picture.
  • The topic of the paper sometimes becomes a little blurred because it goes in a million different directions without detail on how it relates to the topic. I would recommend outlining what evidence you are using and making sure it doesn't go too far off topic or just adding more detailed commentary about how it relates to the bigger picture so it can all come together more effectively. 
  • I think that your visuals are great and easy to read!! If I were to make one critique it would be to explain data chart 3 a little more and relate the action verbs to the election and discuss why "explaining" and other outliers seem to stand out from the rest of the action verbs.
  • In your conclusion, I feel like it is too much of just a restatement of your introduction. Instead of stating that you analyzed tweets try to explain a little more about what you found and concluded from the research.
  • Same as the conclusion for your research explain the community of tweets related to your hashtag but then tie in some research and examples of how what you found in the journal articles could have sparked that bigger discussion.
  • I really liked how you included some key tweets that you found in your paper.
  • Your evidence is very strong I feel like there are just some key additions of commentary and connection to the broader meaning missing.
  • Your topic is super interesting!!

I think that you did a great job with your graphs and the way you tied what Bernie Sanders is trying to do with your topic. I think that your conclusion was too short and you explained how your analysis was a bigger part of it. You could also work on your title and how your introduction is related to twitter.

  • The paper does a good job of introducing the topic and then relating it to a general discussion.  The only thing would be to introduce Twitter and how your topic relates to it.
  • It does a good job of staying on topic of the hashtag and the tweeters without veering off.  It could be strengthened by using the hashtag more throughout the essay and not just in the beginning.
  • With the graphs, maybe cut down on the amount of action verbs you searched for.  Another chart you could search for could be age or location.
  • The essay is easy to follow and has all of the necessary categories.  Try to expand on your conclusion and relate it back to twitter. 
  • Overall paper is good just try to analyze the twitter part more

I need to add more information about my tweets and make more connections to the bigger picture

I also need to add information to how my bigger picture ideas connect to my tweets so it doesn't look like I'm using random facts.