Project Gutenberg: eBooks Since 1971

Submitted by Jane McGrail on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 13:18

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Submitted by iamdan on Sun, 03/22/2020 - 16:40

I like the use of music to grab the viewer's attention in the opening. You can work on fading that out in the final version. I feel like it makes sense to think through how other kinds of imagery might be woven into the piece. E.g., could some '70s nostalgic imagery be helpful in the opening to set the context. You might also experiment with ways of adding variety--e.g., for Hart, you could cut to just the image on its own filling the screen rather than click it from the web page. You can cut to scenes of Tacoma, U of Illinois, etc. At around 1:10 The imagery on screen and the audio resonate well. Again, as the piece plays, out you can think about ways of adding variety. I also wonder about scaling back some of the text, maybe shortening the amount needing to be covered with visuals. We can look for some of the trimming or reworking in the transcript. For items like ASCII it should be easy to find some visual materials or type on screen, etc. to line up so you can trend that way when thinking about identifying aspects of the script to include. And for some segments that you want to include, you may be able to edit the text--e.g., copyright segment--to be more conversational. I wonder as well if it makes sense to foreground a bit more the interviewer and morph some of that material into more of a narration mode to guide the viewer through some concerns, distill things, and bring more storytelling sensibilities into the piece. At around 5:00 this begins to play out and I feel like it give you more control and engages the viewer a bit more directly. Again, the visuals can be extended with the aim of variety and linking with narration as/after some more adjustments to the modes of delivery in the script. This provides a wealth of great information, so working on visual variety and resonances with the script and getting into more of a storytelling mode will make it even stronger. Nice work.

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