Posted on Mon, 09/23/2019 - 15:11
by NotDanAnderson
Not sure about intro/outro music. Also want to cut about a minute of content.
Comments
Revisions...
1. Need to include intro/outro music.
2. Suggestion about cutting the two year old child clip is good. I can work that into my own description without having to play anything.
3. Just in general the biggest thing I need is to cut and tighten. This whole thing is too long by about a minute.
4. Not sure about additional clips/effects but maybe try it?
The quality of the capturing…
The quality of the capturing of the narration is working well. You might think about when/whether some additional audio materials might be woven in to add variety or create transitions. I wonder if the "pile" metaphor might be explained. I wonder about the clip choice with the two-year old child reference. Is there another clip that raises more controversies or has a bit more content to provide? I like all of the coverage here, so any shortening could be had with language tightening rather than wholesale cutting. Some more work with clips (and/or) some other audio materials might help with organization and transitions between the key segments/ideas to help with digestion of the points. The conclusion wraps things up well. Nice work.