The level of formality in the narration seems to be working well. You will want to work on the ambient sounds in the narration background. You can either try to get a more quiet environment to record or use Noise Reduction after--or both. You can also use music or other sounds to help with the overall sonic texture. The transition into the Dixon clip seems a bit rough, and that clip might have the first part trimmed out. I wonder if the opening might be edited a bit to forecast the data privacy topic that comes in later in the piece. After the Banta clip, it feel like more discussion of the clip and the concerns it raises could be developed. The conclusion seems to come too quickly, so a bit more discussion of the Banta clip would be good. The rough shape is in place, so editing the narration to bring out more points and foreground the issues as well as transition the ideas in and out of the clips will make it stronger. And then you can fine tune the technical elements.
The level of formality in…
The level of formality in the narration seems to be working well. You will want to work on the ambient sounds in the narration background. You can either try to get a more quiet environment to record or use Noise Reduction after--or both. You can also use music or other sounds to help with the overall sonic texture. The transition into the Dixon clip seems a bit rough, and that clip might have the first part trimmed out. I wonder if the opening might be edited a bit to forecast the data privacy topic that comes in later in the piece. After the Banta clip, it feel like more discussion of the clip and the concerns it raises could be developed. The conclusion seems to come too quickly, so a bit more discussion of the Banta clip would be good. The rough shape is in place, so editing the narration to bring out more points and foreground the issues as well as transition the ideas in and out of the clips will make it stronger. And then you can fine tune the technical elements.