Thoughts

//The wooden table// looked almost exactly as it did a couple of years ago. I ran my hands on top of it's glossy exterior, looking for the mark I made on it in the eleventh grade. (click:"grade") [ I found it and smiled.] (mouseover-append: "smiled")[, remembering the way things [[used to be]]]

I did this often. (click-replace:"did this")[reminisced] (click-replace:"reminisced")[reflected] (click-replace:"reflected")[daydreamed] (click-replace:"daydreamed")[drifted in and out of reality] (click: "drifted in and out of reality") [Sometimes it felt like my mind wouldn't stay still] (mouseover-append: "stay still") [... and at times I would find my self thinking for [[hours]].] (click-replace:"thinking")[ {(live: 0.9s)[ (either: "daydreaming", "reflecting", "imagining",) ]} ]

I think that's what makes me such a good writer. (click: "writer") [ My imagination coupled with my ability to turn my thoughts into [[words]]. ]

But I think my greatest strength also made me a decaying carcass in the eyes of my family. (click-replace:"in the eyes of my family.") [ [[amongst a herd of vultures.]]]

Realizing that I was getting lost in my thoughts, I took my hands off of the table and into my lap. I checked the time. (click:"time") [ (link-reveal:"5:41") [ and shifted my gaze towards |== [[the tables centerpiece]] ==| [[my older brother]] ]]

// That was most definitely not there before... // (click:"before")[ My New York Times bestseller, //The Garden//, was propped upright in the middle of the table.] (click:"table")[ I began to wonder what was going on. (live: 4s)[ When my mother called, she said it was a surprise party] (live: 8s) [ ... but she never said [[who it was for.]] ]]

(link-reveal: "'Proud of yourself, huh' my brother said, snapping me out of my gaze.")[ ==> (link-reveal:"'Wh-What?'")[ <==> (link-reveal:"Your little book.")[ =><= He nudged his head left of [[him->the tables centerpiece]]]] ]

I tugged on my left earlobe (mouseover-append:"earlobe")[. Something I always do when I'm nervous.] (click:"nervous") [My brother caught my tell. He [[smirked]]. ]

I knew that type of smirk. It was a trademark of the Johnson family. But I also knew it was the one they often used to hide their envy. (click:"envy") [ I tried my best to ignore it.] (click:"ignore") [ |== [[bite your tounge]] ==| [[confront him]] ]

I looked away and put my hand back on the table, blindly looking for the engraved mark. Something about the mark led me to my thoughts (click-replace: "thoughts") [[[my happy place->my happy place]]]

(link-reveal:"'What are you smirking about.'")[ ==> (link-reveal:"'Who me? I'm just enjoying the moment.'")[ (link-reveal:"'I'm really happy for you lil bro..', he continued.")[ <==> (link-reveal:"'Sure you are.'")[ <== I looked away and put my hand back on the table, blindly looking for the engraved mark. Something about the mark led me to my thoughts]]] (click-replace:"thoughts")[[[my happy place->my happy place]].]]

But my thoughts dispersed as I looked around the table and at the people surrounding me. (click:"surrounding me") [ My brother. (click-replace:"brother")[uncle] (click-replace:"uncle")[father] (click-replace:"father")[mother] ] (click:"mother")[ Although they were my family, I didn’t necessarily like them too much. They thought of everything as a [[competition]], putting emphasis on things that didn’t matter, and refusing to talk to family members that accomplished things they couldn’t. ]

I think that's why they hate [[me->much]].

So when I was invited to come back to the manor, I can’t say I wasn’t surprised. (mouseover:"surprised")[ I hadn’t been back in weeks. (click-replace:"weeks") [months] (click-replace:"months") [years]] (click:"years") [ But the thought of seeing my mother (mouseover-append:"mother")[ -- the only one in the family that diverged from their toxic belief system --] (click-append: "toxic belief system --") [ was the only reason why I [[came... ->back]] ]]

Another sudden movement in the outside world pulled me out of my thoughts immediately. (click:"sudden movement") [ By the time I came back to my senses everyone was seated, each of their head's turning towards me slowly and bearing a tremendous smile. (mouseover-replace: "smile") [smirk]] (click: "smirk") [ I tug on the collar of my shirt while smiling back sheepishly, unsure of what’s going on. (click:"tug") [ //‘I said..”// my father’s voice rumbled. //“We toast to [[you]]!”// ]]

They all raised their glasses and smiled. (click-replace:"smiled.") [smiled half-hearted smiles.] (click-replace:"They all")[Almost all of them ] (live: 6s)[ Some of them didn't //smile// [[at all.]]]

(link-reveal: "'Um..'") [ This was //weird//. My family was congratulating me on the very thing they hated me for.] (click:"hated") [ I looked over at my mom. (click-replace: "my mom") [the only person with a genuine smile] (live: 5.5s) [ [[humbly accept toast]] [[refuse due to lack of sincerity]] ]]

(link-reveal:"'I'm sorry I-I just don't know what to say..'") [ ==> My legs trembled as I began to rise. (click: "rise") [ <==> (link-reveal:"'This is just really unexpected.'") [ No one said a word (click-append:"word")[ as I pulled the glass of wine closer to my mouth. ==> (click:"mouth") [ (link-reveal:"'To me...I guess'") [ =><== I [[drank]]. ]]]]]]

(link-reveal: "'I just find it funny how all of a sudden you guys are proud of me.'") [ The room went //silent//. (click:"silent") [ My mom's wide smile slowly began fading away. (click:"fading") [ Her eyes pleaded (mouseover-append:"pleaded") [-- "Be [[nice.->humbly accept toast]]"] ]]]

The drink was stronger than anticipated. (click:"anticipated") [ I fell down into my seat, clenching my throat. My hands gripped the edge of the table, fingers resting on the [[engraved]] mark.]

My brother stared. (click-replace:"brother")[mother] (click-replace:"mother")[father] (click-replace:"father")[uncle] (click-replace:"My uncle")[Everyone] (click:"Everyone") [ Their glasses still filled to the brim, and their eyes trained on me as if they were waiting for [[something]] to happen. ]

I let out two hard coughs while hitting my chest with my fist. (click:"fist")[ (live: 3s) [Everything] (live: 5s) [seemed] (live:7s) [to] (live:9s) [slow] (live:12s) [[[down.]]] ]

I couldn’t speak. (click:"speak") [ I couldn’t [[breathe]]. ]

No one said a word (mouseover-append:"word") [ as I slid out of my chair onto the floor.] (click:"floor") [ Not one person said a word (mouseover-append:"Not one person said a word") [ as my eyes closed shut.] (click:"shut")[ Nobody (mouseover-append:"Nobody")[ said a word when I [[died]]. ]]]

//My uncle’s leg brushed mine as he passed by on the way to the kitchen.// (click:"kitchen") [ I run my hands through my hair and check the time. (click:"time") [ (link-reveal:"5:43")[ ==> (link-reveal:"'You in a rush sweetie? You checked the time two minutes ago.'") [ <==> I smile [[apologetically]] as my mother makes her way to her seat. ]]]]

I guess this was just one of those times.

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