Between Page and Screen

Submitted by cschnitz on Sun, 02/16/2020 - 01:33

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Submitted by iamdan on Sun, 03/22/2020 - 18:09

I like the opening title with typing. The pacing of the narration is working well to help viewers digest the information. Starting about 21 secs, I wonder if switching to some cuts from screen to screen rather than the scrolling mode makes sense. I also wonder if a bit of trimming or revising of the script might be had to give the narration a bit more punchy feel as you work toward the scene at around 59 secs withe EL search. I like to occasional mixing in of imagery and the Wild World audio. Perhaps lowering the music level a bit as the piece plays out is worth experimenting with. I also like the mixed imagery approach that plays our around 3:29. The capturing of the P2S imagery is quite interesting and a real help for folks who might have trouble getting what the thing is. In some ways, I'm wondering if it makes sense to try to get to the heart of the project that starts around 2 mins sooner. I also wonder if some editing of the footage to get to passages in more distinct ways is worth thinking about. In the report, there is the advantage of the screen shot that emphasizes a generated view with less process along the way. Is there a middle ground that gets some of the process into the video but still offers some of the segmenting and organization of shots and cuts? I see this taking place at 4:01, which feels orienting as the narration and imagery line up. The imagery with Borsuk also works well at centering things. I wonder about the duration of that segment and whether layering some of your narrative script, contextual guidance, or some other materials over parts of that make sense. The cuts and imagery around 5:23 add nice variety and are compelling. For these segments that play out with you narrating, the visual mixing is working well. It makes me wonder about the segments and whether there is a kind of division between the middle segments with the book and screen captures and these later segments, and if so, whether it makes sense to experiment with breaking that down somehow. Could some of the middle imagery duck in from time to time in these spots? Could a whole-screen, layering montage create an aesthetic that plays out throughout, with ducking in and out of the book-screen stuff tuned in and foregrounded as "segments" make sense? The visuals and dynamic starting around 6:18 are working well. It feels focused on a particular moment in P2S but also layered and rich with less of the "process between moments" on screen. At around 8:10, I wonder if some shifting in the background imagery as the narration plays out makes sense. And then maybe moving to the mixes along the lines of those after 9:03 sooner might be worth trying. 

This is an ambitious piece that by nature will raise questions and call for your own decisions about what to emphasize and how much to make explicit and foreground what you are asking viewers to take away. I feel like it finds its footing as it progresses The mixes that emerge around 5:23 and 6:18 feel to me more satisfying. In some ways they feel more layered and open ended but by the same token they feel more focused by virtue of having less of the book/narrator/screen process on the middle sections. I also wonder if some distillation of the earlier sections in a rewritten script meant for video might be worth pursuing. The first two minutes feels more like its trying to get things situated and less engaging--to me--than the moments when the P2S materials really come into the piece, and the later segments of the P2S work feel more situated. I have a similar sense for the narration. I mentioned trying to punch things up, but as the piece moves along, I feel the voice resonates well with the kind of tone in the materials and the points about page to screen. Some of this may be just getting comfortable as things move along. In general, erring more toward informal and conversational tones might be a direction to pursue. I really like how the piece comes into its own in the second half. You can think through how best to revisit the earlier segments--both in the script and video--and bring it all together with an aesthetic and editing that works best for you. I'm eager to see the next iteration, and hope most of this makes sense. Nice work.

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