Isabelle Draft

Submitted by ifsmith on Tue, 02/18/2020 - 13:15

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Submitted by iamdan on Sun, 03/22/2020 - 17:13

I like the tone and pacing of the narration. I feel like a different opening image from the web site might be more effective. The mixed materials the come after are working well. You can think through some strategies for smoothing or building in transitions--e.g., 0:40. The resonance between the narration and the imagery is working well with the SF on google maps segment. At around 1:15, I feel like having more of the map view foregrounded on screen, particularly something like with the prices in dollars would resonate more directly with the narration, though in general I like the montaging and variety. The AEMP materials are working well.   At 2:51, I feel like cutting to some other visuals might be good. Are there some SF scenes, etc or maybe cut straight to some imagery from a zine that can add variety and shift the focus away from the browser? At 3:12 the resonance feels better. And then the cuts at 3:25 work well. You could also rip some footage of a video or workshop and have it play during the narration. As you move into the second half, I'm thinking about the relationship between the DH reference at around 17 secs and the materials after about 4:12. I feel like for folks outside our class, DH may require a bit more context. The question I'm thinking about is when/how to provide that. It could be that more front loading and reworking the very beginning to foreground DH and concerns makes sense. Or perhaps trim it out in the beginning and make the later segment a stronger transition the introduces DH and then takes on the concerns and project. Working through the transcript might be good way to sort through some of these possibilities, and perhaps tighten up the way the narration lays out the issues. You can also work on some of the video delivery aspects--e.g., with the title of the article on screen--~4:50--you can probably cut it out of the narration. Similarly, you may be able to cut to excerpts with more of a scene-to-scene feel and move away from some of the scrolling/browser imagery. The text that shows on screen works well to get the passage to the viewer eventually, so maybe you can move more toward montage or layers of support/b-roll imagery. Or in general think through how best to deliver the excerpts and keep visual engagement going. Another possibility is to less directly mirror the excerpts and narration. The typing starting around 6 mins works in this mode but feels a bit cryptic. Perhaps the excerpt can be on screen and the narration can distill and guide viewers through the associated concerns for all three of these passages. Again, you can sort out how best to work through these materials. I like the closing segment and feel like an angle really emerges with the final question. Somehow, I feel like the project finds it organizing principle there at the end, which is great. Now thinking through how the opening, the descriptive aspects in the first four minutes, and the then more DH-oriented aspects in the second half might be recast so that the angle provide orientation throughout will really bring all of this together. Then working on some of the visual materials and other video delivery aspects will take it to the next level. Eager to see how this evolves. Nice work.

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